The two four-legged bloggers have agreed to let the human post today.
Have you read The Art of Racing in the Rain? I know, it's a dog book and this is supposed to be Midi's post, but the book (or the small part I read) serves as a good intro to today's post.
I'm going to post for Midi today because I feel like I need to share what's going on with her, with me and with Harry. OK, Harry's oblivious - so it's pretty much just me and Midi in this one.
I read the first few paragraphs of the book while waiting to meet someone at Starbucks several months back. It was sitting on the shelf of available reading material, so I picked it up and started to read. I haven't gone to the library or the bookstore to get the book because I'm not sure I could finish it. I teared up immediately, so I'm thinking maybe it's not such a good book for me to read given my delicate emotional state lately.
Basically in the beginning of the book (written in the dog's voice), the dog is dying and has made a plan to get his person to put him down.
The past few weeks I've watched Midi waste away before my eyes. Yes, she's been getting thinner all along (hyperthyroidism), but it's gotten much worse very recently. She has gone from eating two to three cans of Fancy Feast each day to maybe eating one. She also sleeps. A lot. I can tell when she does get up that she's become weak although she can still jump onto chairs to get to her food.
When I hold her (which is often), I can feel her heart beating very fast. She's become much more affectionate lately - but that's what she does in the winter. It's all about body heat :-)
She is still Midi though. She's alert. She doesn't seem to be in pain. She IS eating. Just not as much. I do not know what to do. I don't want to do anything while she is still alert and seems OK. But I don't want her to suffer either. I am a coward about this as I've never had to go through this before. With my parents and "our" pets, sure. But not just me. I would rather her heart just give out and let her go peacefully than for me to have to make a conscious decision.
I feel our time together is short and I want to be the best Mom I can be during the time we have left.
Thanks for listening and I promise to post a silly Harry blog soon.